for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
