At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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