We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
