Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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