I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize