why didn't you poke me back
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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