What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
