Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
