don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
