I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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