Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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