im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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