i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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