And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
