i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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