I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
