dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
