Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
