Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
