Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"