they need to just BURY HIM!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
