The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
