i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
