hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
