Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize