I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
