How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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