Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
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I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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