i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
