i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
