I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
