I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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