Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
