Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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