Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
