it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
