worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
