I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
