i'm lost and i look like a hooker
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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