my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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