Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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