Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
