PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
