Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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