I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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