So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
