U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
