its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
