just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
