My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
