This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
