my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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