Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
