I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
