i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
