i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
