You really coming over, don't trick.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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