Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
