I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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