how can u be prego again
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
