The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
