I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
