This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
