no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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