i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
