it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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