As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
