guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
