im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
