I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
