my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
