It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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