Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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