Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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