last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
