i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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