i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
