I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
