oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
