rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
