We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just invented taco cereal.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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