I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
