She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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